The Revenge of the Pillow Pet
by TheCrazyBookwormWithALaptop
Summary: In Which Octavian keeps receiving death threats from Percy's panda.


**A/N: **This is what happens when you combine boredom, several cups of caffeine, and a crazy, tired teenage girl with a laptop. This is just a silly spoof of sorts, inspired by a picture I saw on deviantart where Percy's panda is haunting Octavian. The story is set while Percy, Hazel and Frank are off on the quest. Reviews are welcome, but please, don't flame me! This is not meant to be taken seriously!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my OC's Ivy, Ro and Ariel. Heroes of Olympus  and its characters belong to Rick Riordan, Panda Pillow Pets belong to the Pillow Pets company, and the picture on deviantart belongs to its artist.

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><p>Octavian was in the Temple of Jupiter, disemboweling a poor, innocent teddy bear as usual, when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Suspecting an assassin- someone as great as him must have many enemies, after all- the augur turned, dagger raised, and found himself confronting...a pillow pet.<p>

It wasn't just any pillow pet, either. It was a panda pillow pet, the one he'd used to conduct an augur for that no-good son of Neptune, Percy Jackson. But, wait, that wasn't possible. He'd sliced it straight down the middle and taken all the stuffing out of Jackson's panda, then discarded it with the rest of the teddy carcasses; this panda was perfectly intact, and in the middle of the floor facing him. It couldn't be the same bear...unless...

Octavian shook his head, and resumed reading the stuffing. All pillow pets looked alike; most likely, this was just something one of those little brats from New Rome had dropped when they were playing one of their games. There had been some problems with kids playing hide and seek around the temple lately- he'd been meaning to deal with that. Oh, well, at least now he had a beautiful new specimen to rip into when he prophesised next. (He would never admit it, but slicing stuffed animals apart was one of the main reasons he'd taken the job of augur).

A few moments later, however, the back of his neck prickled again, and he turned around to see that the pillow pet _seemed to have come closer_. That wasn't all, either; in its ear, _there was a tag that said "Property of Percy Jackson"._

Octavian's jaw dropped. He turned to pick up the knife- he'd slaughtered this panda once, he could do it again- but when he turned back to confront the moving inanimate object, it had vanished. In its place there was a note that read "My name is Peter the Panda. You took my stuffing. Prepare to die!"

Octavian picked up the note and stared at it for several seconds, then tore it up with a snort. He felt foolish and more than a little ticked off as he finished his augur and walked out of the temple. This was just a silly little prank, probably by one of those sons of Mercury. "My name is Peter the Panda, Prepare to die!" indeed.

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Later, Octavian was at dinner, in deep discussion with someone about the ominous signs for the Feast Fortuna, when he spotted something black and white across the room. He stared with disbelief. It was Jackson's panda again!

He shook his head internally, and tried to ignore it as he continued talking. However, now he was distracted, so he didn't sound quite as convincing as before. After a few minutes, he glanced back again, and saw that the panda was now just a table away from him. Octavian could have sworn that its eyes were glinting as it stared straight at him.

Octavian stood up and pulled out his dagger, again intent on slicing the bothersome stuffed animal, but before he could move, the panda suddenly disappeared into midair. A sheet of paper appeared out of nowhere and flew towards him, hitting him in the face; when he glanced down, it said "My name is Peter the Panda. You took my stuffing. Prepare to die!"

"Are you alright, Octavian?" his fellow conversationalist asked, confused by the augur's paler than usual face.

"What? Oh, I'm...fine. Just fine," Octavian lied, crumpling the piece of paper and trying to look normal. He launched into his speech with new vigor; however, as he talked he subtly looked around for anyone who might be staring at him or pointing and laughing at him. He saw no likely suspects, but out of the corner of his eye he could have sworn he saw that cursed panda, still staring at him.

Why was he so scared of a stuffed animal?

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Octavian was at a Senate meeting, prophesying yet again about how a hero (probably eighteen, blond, and an all-powerful augur) would rise during the impending battle in the Feast Fortuna, when a messenger ran in.

"Excuse me, sirs- um, sirs and ma'ams- but there's a message for Octavian," the scared twelve-year-old said, bowing respectfully. Annoyed, Octavian snatched the message...and felt his face go pale.

"What is it?" asked Reyna, just as annoyed as Octavian (though, in her case it was BECAUSE of Octavian). When the augur didn't answer, she leaned in and read the message over his shoulder. Her eyebrows shot up as she looked at Octavian with disbelief.

"'My name is Peter the Panda. You took my stuffing. Prepare to die!'?"

"Simply an ongoing immature prank, Praetor. Who gave you this?" Octavian demanded, turning on the messenger.

"I- I don't know. He...she...they were dressed up in all black and a ski mask, and I couldn't tell who it was. They just told me to give it to you. Said it was from the ghost of a pillow pet of someone named Jackson. They were insane, I didn't want to question them!" the messenger babbled.

After a few minutes, Octavian managed to get the Senate back under control and continued his speech, but he could tell that a lot of them had lost some respect for him. And to make matters worse, outside the window there floated a Comfy Pillow Pet Panda, who seemed to be smirking at him.

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When he went to bed that night he tossed and turned, considering what this stalker zombie pillow pet meant. Who was doing this? Someone who knew Jackson, certainly- but the son of Neptune's only two friends had left with him on that quest to Alaska, and he couldn't think of anyone else. Dakota, perhaps? No, that kool-aid addict wouldn't have the brains to carry it out. Hazel's creepy brother, Nico? No, he'd left just a short time after the questers. But someone HAD to be doing this, someone who wanted him to think he was going crazy...

What if he WAS going crazy?

"Octaviaaaan."

.._.._.That was supposed to be a RHETORICAL question.

"Octaviaaaaan."

Octavian sat up, and grabbed his dagger off his bedstand. "Who's there? Show yourself! If you're trying to frighten me, you're not succeeding!"

As though on cue, Jackson's pillow pet appeared, this time _floating in midair_. Octavian's jaw dropped, and it only dropped even more when the stuffed animal's mouth _moved_.

"Octaviaaaan, you slaughtered me."

_This- this isn't possible__! It's actually ALIVE!_ "The word 'slaughtering' would imply that you were once alive, which you weren't, so therefore I couldn't have slaughtered you," Octavian said, his voice shaking despite his effort to sound cool and collected.

"Oh, but I WAS alive, Octaviaaan. All the stuffed animals you've killed were," the panda said, its voice echoing throughout the room. It hovered closer until it was just inches from Octavian's face.

"If- If all of them have been alive, why haven't any of them come back to haunt me like you?" demanded Octavian. Ugh, why wasn't his hand working so he could slice through the nightmare and be done with it?

"Because, Thanatos wouldn't allow them to. Now the god of death is gone, and I have come to seek revenge," the panda answered. Was it Octavian's imagination, or did it seem to be growing bigger? "I shall enjoy slicing through you as you sliced through me and thousands of others."

For once, Octavian was lost for words. The dagger fell from his hand, and he stammered unintelligibly, "I- I- I-"

"My name is Peter the Panda. You took my stuffing. Prepare to die!" the panda- who was now the size of a St. Bernard- cried. Then, it lunged for Octavian's throat.

jhjhjhjhjhjh

Ivy, daughter of Mercury, and Ro, daughter of Apollo, couldn't stop laughing as they walked into their barrack, Ivy holding a panda pillow pet and Ro holding a camera. Their roommates looked up at them expectantly.

"So, I'm guessing it went well?" asked Bobby, son of Trivia, eagerly.

"It was AWESOME! The schuzzbucket fainted dead away during the last one! I think we've successfully scared him off of teddy bear-slaying for a while! Thanks, by the way, for teaching me those illusions and levitation tricks," Ivy added, smiling at Bobby gratefully.

"No problem. You get the pictures?" Bobby questioned Ro. Ro grinned, and held up the camera, "Yup. Most of them are of the Senate meeting, but I got a couple of good shots of Octavian and the floating panda. We should have some good laughs for a while."

"All thanks to my Pedro. Good thing he looks exactly like Percy Jackson's pillow pet," Ivy said, proudly patting her pillow pet.

"I still can't believe you three did this," clucked Ariel, daughter of Ceres, disapprovingly. "What in Hades gave you the idea to make Octavian think he was being haunted by the ghost of a stuffed animal, anyway?"

"We overheard Percy Jackson saying something about how Octavian 'slaughtered his panda' and Frank Zhang said how 'teddy bears must have nightmares of the guy', and I thought, 'What would happen if we gave Octavian nightmares about teddy bears?'," explained Ivy eagerly. "So I talked to Ro and Bobby, and the three of us concocted an evil scheme of trickery and illusions, complete with references to Doctor Who and The Princess Bride."

Ariel sighed, and shook her head. She couldn't believe how insane her friends were. "You do realize you're not going to get away with this stupid prank, right? Octavian will catch you, and when he does, you'll be scrubbing the streets of New Rome with toothbrushes for a month."

"Maybe, but hey, it HAD to be done!" said Ivy, cackling maniacally.

The End

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><p><strong>AN: **Yes, there were references to Doctor Who and The Princess Bride, though they were parodied references. The moving panda bear parodied Weeping Angels, and the note was a parody of "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!". I'm sorry if anyone seemed OOC; I did the best I could to keep them in character. Thanks for reading!


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